Peaks and Valleys

Last week while I was driving to the yoga studio to teach, I saw a case of road rage unravel in front of me. Let me set the scene: Driver A honked at Driver B when she did not make the left turn before the red light. Driver B’s reply was to lean her entire body out the window and yell expletives at Driver A, finishing her tirade with the flourish of a middle finger salute. Once traffic started to move again, Driver A decided to follow closely behind Driver B, recording the whole scene on her phone.

I was baffled. In a matter of seconds, these people threw adult-sized toddler’s tantrums. But I’m certain that hours later, they both were still simmering in immense anger and frustration.

Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra 1:2 [yogash chitta vritti nirodha] says yoga is the mastery of the mind’s fluctuations. Plainly put, our yogic practices can teach us how to calm our overly busy brains. My interpretation of this teaching is that mindfulness allows us space to understand and neutralize our emotions.

I’m far from mastering my own “mind’s fluctuations.” But I do know that I’m more effective if I simply take a moment to regroup or reset when faced with difficult situations. I often tell my kids that while we cannot control how others conduct themselves, we can control our own actions.

Pranayama or breathwork in our yoga practice can help us in this endeavor. Imagine if the drivers in the road rage story had simply taken a full breath before reacting (or overreacting as it were). If so, I believe things would not have escalated as far, or the situation might have been entirely avoided.

When something fires you up, take a moment to fully exhale. Make it as loud as you need - a noisy sigh is better than an obscenity-filled rant. Then fully inhale and exhale again. Notice how this simple act of conscious breathing changes your attitude. Trust me, it works. My husband will unknowingly catch me in the midst of this cleansing breath exercise and ask worriedly, “Is everything okay?” And I think, yes, everything is okay, grateful for that moment to breathe.

Every day we encounter opposing forces, whether you call it yin and yang, ups and downs, or positives and negatives. The Buddhist Zen monk Thich Nhat Hahn has said we cannot have joy without suffering. I know “suffering” is a pretty extreme word, but his teaching is really about how both the peaks and valleys of life are necessary. Think about it: we must experience discomfort in order to truly appreciate happiness, otherwise how would we know the difference? Even on our mat, we experience this duality via poses/counterposes and inhale/exhale.  Some may feel action and reaction are dueling forces - but I would argue that the opposite of action can also be non-action. (Pause for mind explosion.)

Of course there are instances that a mindful reaction is necessary - as in the case of sorting out a defiant child, as this is a learning opportunity for him/her. Notice though that I used the words “mindful reaction” when faced with this kind of scenario. Non-action may be employed more often when the only result is the smug satisfaction that you were heard. If your reaction will not progress an already trying situation, then mindfully disengage. Be satisfied in the knowledge that you didn’t escalate things further.

Our world is filled with both literal and figurative valleys and peaks. The question is what kind of driver are you in this journey called life? Do you want to take an enjoyable drive down the valley or are you charging straight off the edge of the peak?